XplanaZine

I don’t know exactly when I first learned to ask good questions. I mean serious ones. I’m sure I asked some really good questions when I was a little kid but somewhere along the line I crossed over into a space that made asking questions seem like a not-so-great thing to do. Maybe I felt that asking questions would make me look foolish, like I didn’t have all the answers. Maybe I was afraid that my questions wouldn’t be as good as the ones asked by others. I’m not sure. I’m just aware that I spent a part of my life stagnating because I didn’t or wouldn’t ask.

I remember listening a lot when I first got to college but I don’t remember asking many questions. I remember asking what I thought were great questions in graduate school, but they were actually more along the lines of intellectual posturing than real inquiry. And I remember having an inordinate amount of answers once I started my first job as a university professor but, by that time, I’m pretty sure I had stopped asking any real questions.

There was a period, then, of maybe ten or fifteen years where I couldn’t learn anything. I couldn’t learn because I couldn’t ask. Oh, I read plenty and wrote articles, and gave talks at conferences — but I didn’t learn a thing. Because all my effort was about knowing instead of learning. It was about declaring instead of asking.

And I guess it would have ended in that phase if I hadn’t done a personal nosedive and bottomed-out my life. I was lucky. I lost enough personally and professionally that I had to start asking questions again. I caused myself enough pain that it ignited the flame of inquiry. Even if it was just enough to ask, “How did I get here?” And that question, that momentary shift to inquiry, started me back on the right track.

You see, asking questions isn’t like riding a bike. You have to practice or you really will forget how. And if you forget, if you lose you ability to inquire, you’ll stop growing. You won’t be able to learn and you’ll stagnate. It’s not painful, necessarily. Most of the time you don’t know you’re not growing or learning. But it is dull, and in the end it means atrophy and degeneration. In critical cases, like mine, it can lead to extreme heartache.

I learned my lesson the hard way. I stopped asking questions, stopped learning, and my life fell apart in every direction. It scared me and it made me re-think how I want to live and why it matters in the first place. The biggest lesson I learned was that inquiry is at the heart of happiness. Asking questions is the fuel for learning and growth and moving forward. It’s how we evolve.

As a result, I started a new practice along the way, a simple question meditation that makes me focus on inquiry and perspective. It helps me be certain that I won’t become a knower again, that I won’t forget how to ask questions and learn.

The meditation is simple and can be done anywhere an in the briefest of time. This isn’t something that requires silence or peace. As an example, I often complete my ritual in the middle of meetings.

The only real rule about the Question Meditation is that it should involve asking questions! I break mine into three sections, generally, but in a pinch I always skip to the closer at the end.

I like to start off with a few warm-up questions, you know, to get the blood flowing to the brain.

• Who am I?
• What am I doing with my life?
• Who are the people that matter to me?

These first questions are just for general balance — to keep me honest. Then I start in on the questions that can have a real impact on everything I do that day.

• Why am I doing this?
• Is this really important?
• Could I do it a different way? Would that be better?
• Does this fit within my purpose?
• Would I rather be doing something else?

Finally, to round out the session, I end with the closer, or the focus question for the day. The focus question can vary depending on what I need, but it’s always one that I know I’ll remember throughout the day and that can keep me centered on inquiry and learning. My personal default closer is this:

• Are we moving forward?

Naturally, the questions in the meditation will be different for everyone. They will also change throughout the weeks and months as you move forward.

That’s the great thing about inquiry. While it’s important to ask good questions, you get lots of points just for asking any questions at all.

Broadcast Information

podcast feed
i-podder download